Stick it together, little soldier

“Stick it together, little soldier” echoed through the crowd
dressed in all whites, polished boots and slick hair
“stick it together, little soldier” echoed through the chaos in his chest
marching in a symmetry similar to a beetle’s breath:
one two three, one two three, one two, one two three
“stick it together, little soldier” buzzed in his reddened ears

one to the left, second to the right,
one more to the back of his knees
each lash reminded him of the smell of Jasmine oil,
hot water and delicate hands
“stick it together, little soldier”
‘grrrrr’, he grunted for the first time
thud!
The floor felt soft and cushioned like her lap
the edge of an abandoned nail pierced through
his belly fat
“stick it together, little soldier”

the blood drained into his mouth,
involuntarily,
he licked it clean from behind his incisors, and smiled
“I’m done, I’m done” he screamed, standing up
but his ankles felt like caramelised sugar: burnt, burning, buoyant
thud!
He fell once more, hitting his tiny head against the wooden table
“stick it together, little soldier” his mother barged in
“stick it together!” she lifted him with her delicate hands, wailed
and hailed him meritorious

cleansed of his wounds,
she fed him warm rice and curry
‘All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy’
he scribbled on the shabbily set wooden table,
and smiled.

“Stick it together, little soldier” she lullabied into his reddened ears.

Typeface tales

Red Fish: I’m a tiny child from a tiny village in Madhya Pradesh; my village is typically colorful and playful. My house, though, is blue. Because my dad likes blue.
He also likes corn. He’s taught me how to harvest corn.

You see all these corn cobs beneath my feet, well, I helped my dad with growing them, you know. They’re mine!

And yes, this swing here, this is where my five siblings and I sleep. This is our place.

red fish


Little days:

I’ve not known what ‘childhood’ is, and that’s okay.
I get to take care of my little sister here so I won’t crib.

But whenever I look at those kids in their chaddis playing in the sand outside, something in me slides way beneath its position. I feel a weird tingling sensation inside, as if I am being coaxed by the universe to abandon my responsibilities and take up that identity.

I, obviously, can’t.
Won’t.
I’m happy being with my sister, feeding her, changing her clothes, and standing here at the window- looking at the lovely world out there. I’m happy where I am.

little days

Uptown Elegance:
These fairy lights, flickering as if lit by a fire as cold as my heart, are all I have to call my own.
They’re my rooftop, my blanket, my floor; they’re the only support system I have.
I look at them- sleepy eyed- most midnights, and wish upon them for a love so strong, it’ll flip this fire upside down.
Fill my lungs with the giddy passion I had as a teenager, empty my head of logic, overwhelm my thoughts, bleed me to death.
These fairly lights, with a name so comforting, remind me of my fairy godmother; my mom always told me while she was in the hospital, that she would turn into my fairy god mother and stay with me till my end.

Alas, I grew up.

But these fairy lights- with their elegance and sass- are the only reminder of any love I’ve ever had.

uptown elegance


Stoney Billy: 

Hey Ya’ll, I almost read this as Stoned Billy; hi my name is Billy. But I’m not as stoned right now as I usually am.
Oh the radio? well the radio is my heart you see. Everytime I fall in love, my heart skips a beat and the frequency changes. Yeah I know I’m a shitty artist but god, I have to emote!
I don’t know about you guys but I can’t live without a little drama.

Oh, and I’m old school too; so if you ever want to tell me anything important, just make a mixtape or a radio recording of it, and I’ll share my weed with you.

stoney billy


Folktale:

Once upon a time, there was a village near Kanhan- oh Kanhan is where that tiny boy is from!
This village was known for ghosts and oddly, for the purest air in India; they said that the oxygen content in that village was so high, people often described it as ‘paradise’.
Sadly, nobody lives there anymore.
The village’s residents have all died, lying unburied, turning into ghosts each day.

Except for a broken board near the narrow gauge track, nothing suggests of this village’s existence.

My maid tells me this is just a folktale, but for a person who loves scary movies, I wouldn’t want to agree with her.

folktale


Home made apple:

Best friend: Look up look up! Isn’t this a wonderful feeling? I love looking up, at trees. At such a blue sky. It’s so soothing: just the head tilting, the blood rushing abnormally.
I: yeah, I feel like I’m on a beach, even though this is a public garden.
Best friend: Let’s go to a fucking beach then!
I: Let’ go!

Best friend: so yeah, before that, which movie do you want to watch right now?! And what do you want to eat? I’m really hungry!

home made apple image


Znikomit: 
This is our hideout. Our getaway.
This is ours.
No, this is of no religious importance to us.
She’s a Hindu and I’m agnostic.

We’ve sat on its stairs, at 3:00 in the noon, and discussed the most dramatic life events.

We almost got raped the first time we visited this place, but obviously, she has a little too much faith in humanity; she just won’t agree on the intentions of the man who led us into the tiny room on top of the church.
Who leads you in and closes the door behind you huh?
We almost got raped, believe me.

The steps to the room were dwindling, circling the huge bell hanging at the centre.
The only other company we had, was of the pigeons and our hysterical breath.

This is out hideout. Our getaway. This is where most of it began.

znikomit


Note:
All the utilized typefaces have been downloaded from this brilliant site called ‘101 free fonts’. All pictures are (sadly) mine; Stories, mine.

Each photo, typeface and story/anecdote has been integrated in a way that- together- they convey a sense of wholeness to you- developing each story into a character if its own. 

This is just an experiment. More to be created soon.

The flawed lover: Bombay

Bombay (whatever little I’ve experienced)-my recent fascination and one to stay with me for a long long time-is like the flawed lover everyone has/wants/needs/doesn’t care about.

From the Parsi cafes serving bun maska and keema pav at dead cheap prices to the stuffed first class elite compartments in the locals, Bombay has conveniently carved out space for everyone; dramatic, erratic, eccentric and absolutely faulty in most ways, Bombay’s charm lies in its heat and over populated romance.

Maybe that’s why it’s easier to lose oneself in the chaos that Bombay can’t help but put up with.
Maybe that’s why it’s a weird feeling, when you walk back home every night, knowing that life has never felt as real as it then does but somehow the reality – the harsh hitting reality of people trying their best just to ‘survive’- some for money, some for love, most for cheap booze and boiled eggs, the reality is just as engulfing as your nonexistence.

You’re there, but you’re just one of them. A small fish in a big pond; a nobody.

The flawed lover with her enchanting polyamorous lifestyle and a strong desire for detachment, that’s what Bombay is to me.

Marine drive 5:17 pm
Marine drive 5:17 pm
The cat city
The cat city; if you go to Bombay and don’t come back interested in why Bombay has so many cats out on the streets, you’ve done it wrong.
The road to Haji Ali
The road to Haji Ali
Any evening at Marine drive
Men in Black
Paav bhaji ya pulav?
Paav bhaji ya pulav?
Off bounds
Off bounds
Imported maal at Colaba
Imported maal at Colaba
“Color is the place where our brain and the universe meet”
The sass queen and half of a BEST bus
The sass queen and half of a BEST bus
The end away from Gateway of India
The end away from Gateway of India
The darkness, the waters, the love- I could feel each's texture yet  yet there was a hand missing to hold onto.
The darkness, the waters, the love- I could feel each’s texture yet
yet there was a hand missing to hold onto.
The elite view
The elite view
Chowpatty at 8:00ish
Chowpatty at 8:00ish
Haji Ali and a crow
What do you see from Haji Ali? A water body and a crow- both possibly on the verge of death.
She was a firefly in a glass jar
She was a firefly in a glass jar
Unlike Dhobhi ghat
Unlike Dhobhi ghat
Beedi and ganja
Beedi and ganja
29 floors high with lift-men and a Parsi dairy nearby
29 floors high with lift-men and a Parsi dairy nearby
Imported maal trying to be hipster
What’s a picture taken in Bombay without people running in the background?
Can you get more typical?
Can you get more typical?
Chowpatty 9:45 pm
Chowpatty 9:45 pm

To write, or not to write.

I write because I know that only my words can make me feel like I belong.
I write to be felt by myself what I feel every breath of my existence.
I write to be understood by myself what I fail to understand of myself every moment of my life.
I write.
And that’s all there is to my charm.

I have forgotten what it is to pen stories, I write myself down.
It’s my heart, my thoughts, my life that I blog about; my junk.
I have never written fiction. I can’t think beyond philosophy.
And yet I write, because only I can make myself feel what I feel when I’m most low.
I write as a souvenir of remembrance of my perpetual mood swings and constant shift in ideologies.
I write to testify
to justify
to crucify
my existence into tales of relatability
I write.

Only recently have I realised that I must stop writing.

I have found those words those statements those feelings that make me numb in my head writings that I read each morning to feel like someone somewhere knows me sentences that make me break my knuckles in anticipation and love and I finally feel like I have found my trumpet my melody the writings that make me go week in my knees tumble down the elevator of nostalgia and compassion and finally halt at a moment of absolute acknowledgement

Isn’t it a wonderful underrated feeling, afterall, to be understood so deeply by someone whose identity is only a few words on a screen?

These words- my elixir- these words make me loony.

I am left a desperate lover, waiting at the altar for the groom who stayed an unrequited love for too long to not turn up.
I am left wondering if I were meant to stay a cat lady all my life: a headstrong nutcase who enjoys being tagged a ‘feminist’ over a ‘lover’.
I am left anticipating. I am left, with hope in my head and doubt in my heart, and no witchcraft to tell me otherwise.

I am left.

And despite all this melancholy, I ransack my vocabulary to chronicle what I most feel- love- and least emote- love.
I run past my memories, hurriedly and in utter discontent, eventually to reach an unexplainable void.
This void. My chest. I fail to reconcile with the romantic version of it anymore.

Suddenly, all the thoughts that flood this nothingness in me are of those words and sentences and feelings written felt lived by a name behind the screen; I feel moved. Finally.

I feel complete. I feel like I belong. I feel love. loved.

And I ponder over the possibilities of finally existing without the pressure of wanting to feel anything anymore; I have those words for company, yes, I have those words to befriend, yes, I have a name on a screen, oh.

You. I have you.

write me